


Fresh Air

by BBnibini



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Forgiveness, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Spoilers for Chapter 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:35:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28213263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BBnibini/pseuds/BBnibini
Summary: Everything was fine. If there was anyone who could be blamed for your feelings right now, it was entirely yourself. Your fault. After all, how could you tell yourself that you have forgiven someone when the very sight of them frightened you?
Kudos: 24





	Fresh Air

**Author's Note:**

> Gift for sushifer/Mimi (Obey Me Secret Santa 2020)

Night had been unwelcoming of slumber. Closing your eyes only made it harder to breathe. Lingering were  _ his  _ hands around your neck, making you remember  _ his  _ hatred and  _ his  _ intent. It had all been a blurry memory now. Forgiveness was given, penance was done; but it did not erase the suffocating air in your dreams, dragging your heavy eyes back to consciousness. To reality: its ugly past now swept under a rug. It feigned its non-existence in fake smiles and wary glances.

You wished it would stop. The air was fresh and breathable in the comfort of daytime, or the best of what daytime could offer in a sunless realm such as Devildom. Sometimes, the scent of Satan's cooking lingered in the air, along with a hint of perfume you smell on Asmo as he laughingly kisses your cheek when you doze off for too long. 

"Sit with me, darling!" He would pull you by the hand, marvelling in the Devilgramable meal on the table (his personal request from Satan, no doubt). The air would still for a while as you felt  _ his _ eyes on you, and you would feign a smile. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

. 

~~**_They should never know. Not when everything is forgiven._ ** ~~

At least that was what you did almost all the time. One particularly suffocating night, with purple eyes gazing at you for a little too long--you felt yourself breathe again once Lucifer called your name in concern. 

"Is something wrong?" 

The meat pie tasted salty that night--soggy from its filling perhaps, not that you had any right to judge. You smelled Asmo's perfume next to you and felt his hand on the back of your head, making soothing strokes. He was warm, you surmised. You felt like a flower in his firm yet gentle hold. The sound of your spoken name was so pleasant that you couldn't help but close your eyes.

"Oi, back off from them!" 

You were pulled by the shoulder, calloused hands holding yours, uncharacteristically unabashed. Mammon's free hand wiped the wet corner of your eyes. 

"C'mon. Let's get outta here."

Where  _ was _ here? It took you a while to remember. Mammon's presence did make you forget about your particularly unsatisfying helpings of soggy pie that dinnertime. Lucifer however, remembered your curfew for you. You noticed his pair of obsidian-red eyes gazing at you, weirdly subdued as he noted your calming breaths in Mammon's embrace. 

The reminder was gentle, his eyes at the entrance door expectant and tolerating. 

"Don't come home too late, you two."

Even Mammon was surprised. He looked at your tear-stained face with wide eyes, lips curving in a toothy grin as he came to his senses. 

"You heard 'em! Let's get outta here!" 

"No casinos, gambling or any sort of nightly activities. Prioritise their safety."

"Tch."

The exchange made you smile a bit to yourself. 

* * *

"Woah…"

Walking to get there was tiring, but worth it. What awaited you was a cliffside filled with flowers. The sound of waves crashing into boulders were muted below you, with a picturesque bird's eye view of a city peeking faraway in the vast ocean. 

"Pretty, ain't it? Stop standin' around and come over here!" he patted the empty space next to him, his seated figure illuminated by devil lamp grass. It was a pretty purple colour, and highlighted the beauty of the vast, star-littered sky.

Your tears have long dried, puffy yet filled with childlike wonder. You looked up at the sky with the same expression. "I can see a sunglass up there!" 

Mammon's chest puffed up in pride. "Guess who owns that?", he pointed at the constellation overhead. 

"No way…" 

"Yes way, and I just so happen to be generous today so you can share it with me. But just for this night!" 

"Mammon…"

You didn't expect to be hugged from the side. He made you lean on his shoulder, feeling his warmth. "Yeah." He said your name. 

_"I'm here."_

And just with that, you understood. His relaxed breaths next to you were calm and reassuring. 

"Thank you, Mammon." 

You heard him splutter on his words. The calm breaths were no more. "D-don't get conceited now! I didn't do this just for you!" 

"But I was part of the reason?" 

You saw his face flush adorably, pretending not to hear your teasing inquiry. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. We can stay here all night."

"Was I that obvious?" Mammon had always been good at reading people. You were aware it was a stupid question. "I didn't want to feel this way."

"Mhm. It shows. Why force yourself though?" 

You shrunk in his arms, covering your face with both hands in shame. "I shouldn't be afraid. Not anymore. But…I can't help it sometimes. I don't want him to get hurt."

Despite your vagueness, he had a look of understanding on his face. "The more you control your fear, the more it'll consume ya. I know you don't want to hurt 'em, but bottlin' that up ain't healthy." He patted your head. 

"But…"

Your name was spoken as he breathed out, while you had been holding your own. You had to admit though that having someone understand made you breathe a little easier. You were glad that he was here. 

"Forgiveness doesn't mean oblivion. You can't go back to the way things were. Things have changed, and so did him and you. What matters is that you chose to see Belphie eye-to-eye."

"Do you think he knows?" 

"Dunno," he answered honestly. "You need to ask him." He turned to you, his palm still resting on the top of your head. "You ready for that?" 

You shook your head. 

"You don't have to be. It'll come naturally. Until then…" He was stuttering at his words. 

"Until then?" 

His flushed face was adorable. You had to strain your ears to hear the whisper of his words. 

Despite his protests, he accepted your cheek kiss of gratitude (albeit flusteredly). You remembered looking up at the sky with him for a very long time before your thoughts finally drifted away to the sleep your breathlessness had denied you for several nights. The last thing you saw was Mammon's soft gaze.

> **_"...you have me."_ **
> 
> * * *

An angel? It sounded like one. It was a beautiful song. You struggled to open your eyes to know its source. Heavy-lidded, you looked at your surroundings, seeing your familiar bedroom. Memories of Mammon carrying you back to Lamentation after you slept peacefully in his arms became vivid in your half-asleep state. 

The music stopped as you spotted a familiar pair of obsidian-red. He covered his mouth with his closed fist and cleared his throat as you met eyes. "You're awake."

It seemed like your "angel" didn't want to be seen. Cheekily, you replied. He saw something in you that caused his eyes to narrow and his lips were curved into a smile. 

"I had to know who was singing."

"Let me guess: the voice of an angel?" 

You paled. "D-did I say it out loud?" 

Laughter. Equally angelic as his melodious songs. You wondered if he would reprimand you if you say it out loud. "No, but your face says it all."

"It's lovely."

You thought he would get angry. Instead, he looked gentle. His eyes were soft as he looked at you. For a fraction of a second, you seemed to have hallucinated a pained expression from him. "I get that a lot. That's why I stopped."

His answer didn't make sense. If he stopped then why…

"Why are you singing for me?" 

He seemed to like your confident answer, a mirror to his own representative sin. "And what makes you think I'm singing for you?" 

"Can I get my hug now?" 

He sighed when you didn't answer his question. Then again…he also didn't answer yours. 

* * *

It was strange. It was the same darkness as you closed your flickering eyes, deprived of dreams since  _ that day--- _ so why…

...why was  _ his  _ face so gentle when he looked at you? Pained by the feather softness of his touch, you shied away and forced a smile. 

Everything was fine. If there was anyone who could be blamed for your feelings right now, it was entirely yourself.  _ Your fault.  _ After all, how could you tell yourself that you have forgiven someone when the very sight of them frightened you? 

Belphegor looked especially beautiful under the purplish veil of the sky, even with the melancholy painfully obvious in his eyes. He offered his hand to you in that gentle dream, repentant perhaps for what had happened. You didn't bother to know. Perhaps, even that thought was false security as well. 

"Take my hand. The view is better over here."

You couldn't breathe. The sight was too beautiful for an ugly you who couldn't ever let go. 

You could only feel those gentle hands around your neck, twisting, tightening, blurry eyes, staining tears on your cheek as you tried to let out a sound. 

~~_ Someone.  _ ~~

~~_ Anyone.  _ ~~

P̵̨̣̲̯̺͚̞̜̻̖̩͚̥͑̉̄̇͆͘l̶̢̩̘̩̝̗͚̫͍̝͛̒̉̀̒̕e̵̢̛̠̼͈̳͚̟̝̳͇̘͌͌͒̎͆͂̍̾̕á̷̡̢̡͇̤̯͙̳̥̯͔̩̎͐̾̄s̸̼͋͘͝ę̶̼̩͚̲͉̝͙̩̮̖̖̩͔̇̽̇͋̿̕ ̶̡̛̛͖̺̼̝̪̼̖͔̠̣͒͆͌̆͒̒̕͠s̸̟͈̲̋a̴̛̙̖̩͍͔͉̻̩̣̦̖͋̈́͌́̌͋͌̂̏̆͘ͅv̶͎͚̦̒̈̿̆̀́̌́̽̀̕e̵̡̙̭̮̼̱̲̦̲̼̒ ̸͙̑̆́͠m̴̖̠̻̰̥̲̲̜̺̰̝̘̐̓̄͌̃͌̈́̕͜͠ͅͅe̴̛̮͖̞̯͍͉͉̟͖͊̓̎̽́͌̆͘̕.̶̨̼̝̠̫̣̻͖͎̭̝̃̑͝ͅͅ ̴̨͖̘̮̤̞̈́̋͑̿͐̈̔͆̕

* * *

Your name. 

Your name. 

Your name! 

It was the sound of your name that woke you up. You were breathless, sweating all over---enough to sting your eyes and close them shut. Your name was spoken again, a shaky voice holding you so gently that you couldn't almost feel him. 

"You're okay, you're okay…"

But he was there.  _ He was there. _ The fragile way he held you in his arms, breathlessly uttering your name caused a storm to brew in your already troubled heart. 

So he couldn't breathe too. So you weren't alone. 

Your heart was beating so fast. Your body was urging you to pry yourself away from him.  _ So you would live. So you wouldn't be deceived. So you wouldn't hurt. So you wouldn't have to face the hardships that forgiving him would entail.  _

_ So you wouldn't die. Not again.  _

"I'm not, but I will be."

But you betrayed your own words. You refused to listen to the bitterness in your heart.  _ You weren't the only one hurting.  _ You weren't a saint either. You're only human. Stewing grudges would wither your remaining days away, and you didn't wish to linger.

"Belphegor."

Your shaky arms finally hugged him back, making cautious and soothing strokes---feeling that he too, was on the verge of breaking. He looked up at you, violet eyes unwelcoming of sleep. 

"...will you help me?" You felt yourself smile genuinely for the first time in a while. 

"But I--" 

His shocked expression only made your own brighter, hopeful. Human.

"Maybe I can help you too."

…that very soon, he returned it with a rare smile of his own. 

Perhaps he can forgive himself too. You could only hope. 

**Author's Note:**

> Date written: 11/13/2020  
> Date published: 12/21/2020


End file.
